The drugs don't work

I had no idea wat to name this post. So its after a verve song! who by the way, I dint know were anti-substance enough to sing about it. (!)
but thats not the point really. Now onward with the bitching.

I feel like im being tugged from both ends of the rope. Clearly, looking up drug abuse sites for information is not helping at all. In fact, everythingin there is irritating me. n scaring me. Irritating me coz i cant accept all that apparent brain damage to somone i love very much.or smthn. I wonder if all of them give actual info or aim at scaring ppl. Im begining to think its the latter. It all started when i read up an article in the paper bout this and started gettin v.paranoid. Everyone remembers these things only when some fcuked up politicians son goes over the edge.

I dont know why im getting so freaked out bout this. Its like some weird feeling that I havent been able to shake off ever since reading the damn article. a premonition of something big to come.. If i dint feel that way, i wudnt be half as bothered. Just that I dont want Tazz to spend the rest of his life in regret.
I wudnt be suprised is half of his problems are caused by it over last 3 yrs.. i mean who can tell? who can ever tell? there is absolutely no hard n fast rule when dealing with dangerous substances. How much ever u say u know all about it..

I used to be very dead against it.. till well i got so used to hearing ppl talking bout them.. i think it made me ok wit it too.. in fact eager to try it all out even. Its like i lost the old me. Sometimes I miss the old me. But change is inevitable.. its coz im all too accepting of everything all the time.

U know why i wud care? coz someone i know thinks its all cool. that his word is THE word and that things can never affect him. u know y i think his word is The word? coz he nvr accepts anyone else's word.
Wats worse is.. he's so sick of his fcuked up existence that im scared he'd go over the edge one day. Like the other night he told me bout. when actly i shd be freakd out i was actly happy he got a break.
Wats way worse is.. He doesnt know his limits. He knows he doesnt know his limits. He predicts fcuking up a lot before making it big in the end(!!)
Yea all of those 3.. really are the scariest.

What i fail to understand.. how can anybody say such a thing? willing it to happen? ur creating ur own destiny here.. what will happen will happen is it? is everything pre-determined in our lives then?
why fcuk up till u cant no more? Y fcuk with ur life.. Worst part about love is every single action of urs affects somebody else who cares for u. If only it dint do that.. If only u dont have to drag everyone else into the mess. U cant wish it away. U cant say Please leave me alone, Please dont care for me.. like thats even humanly possible.

Sometimes its quite funny when i think about it actly, when we'r supposed to live life with all its ups n downs.. man goes out to find ways to stimulate those ups n downs whenever he wants it. One upmanship with God is it? dont even ask me what ups n downs have to go with God. But I hav some strong convictions bout this that I argue with ppl about and never end up convincing anyone..

You know, deep down, I really respect VirginBride. She once told me u dont need to drink to have fun. I scoffed at her..

I do realise i sound very un-hip to all u stoners out der.. Now that Ive become my own mom and lost my youth.. i go back to what Ive been feeling...

Todays Generation is so fcuked up! and im so part of it.

signing off.