What's on my mind?

Just hung up with Tazz. Left me feeling hurt n neglected n uncared for n irritated and sad. Our times together, Ive noted have always been.. 2 weeks of absolute happiness alternating with 2 weeks of pinpricks n petty pissed offness..
He got accepted to 3 of his 4 universities in the UK by da way. Im really happy for him. I dont know why but that conversation we just had dint gel at all. He was so happy, he was goin psycho n saying some happy nonsense. I usually find that cute. I even find his obnoxious comments cute. I even find his "im so much cooler than everyone" things cute. But, today I just dint find it cute.
It really really worries me. i cant sleep without telling someone.His excitement at goin to the UK to study also kinda scares me. I dont want him going over the edge which im expecting. ( If he knows this, he'l say how can u not be anything but happy for me?)

Im not blaming him, how can I? I havent told him what i think yet. That i think he's doing a lot of things wrong. That i think i dont find somethings funny anymore. That i think he has serious charecter flaws which I think he has to work on. That he's never gonna grow if he doesnt listen to other people? That Im extremely scared of seeing something major happening to him to make him realise all this?

Thats wats been bothering me about tazz lately. I did get half of it across on msgr once.. but it did not hav any effect other than "So, ur also against me now, who else do i have? " reaction or smthn.. I did write a whole mail about how i felt n just when i was about to send, power goes and I havent felt bad enuf to express myself, except now.

And finally, he explains why he's so psycho-happy. "Im just designing the cover of my book.. " blah blah blah we talk about that. After which he goes like " Oh i forgot to tell u my books getting published.. haha.. but i hate the way in which it is.. " Im like "whoa wat??really?! i cant believe u dint tell me.. " So he says, yea ive known for 2 days now, and im really hungry.. n the maid waiting for me.. long story cant tell u now." and im like genuinely hurt. Ive been thru the entire birth n life of his manuscript.. n how can he forget to tell me smthn which is possibly gonna be the most important moment in his life! thats not like him at all.. Not like us at all. We'r usually extremely wrapped in each others lives. He heard me sounding a bit down n he's like, " Kuts, can u not take away my happiness n kill the only happy day i have" ( or smthn like that). And I was like "I cant believe u dint tell me, Im gonna hang up so that i dont ruin ur happy day." And he's like "yea..bye u already did" I was crushed.
And its weird, he dint even msg back saying smthn comforting.

Maybe Im over-reacting, maybe my yearning soul is too needy of love and assurance all the time. i dont know. I dont know, whose wrong n whose not.
Just that, I constantly need love, attention, thoughtfulness in my life.. n i sometimes i wonder if he'd give me it, all my life thru.

Of course i think of his miserable existence at home, but i swear id give him the same if i were in his place. I mean, im totally a kinda person who wud go outta the way.. even beyond caring for me, to care for someone i love.
Every emotion he feels I do too. I feel miserable when he's sad. Elated when he's happy. Troubled when he has his worries. All for what?

Yeah, so that how i feel. I think the worst part about me is. I expect too much outta love. I guess this is my idea of what love is all about.
Maybe this is one of the downs of the roller coaster ride called love. But, I admit this time left me feeling far more affected and disgruntled and empty.