The story of Rigidgirl

People say that your dreams are the only things that save ya.
Come on baby in our dreams, we can live our misbehaviour.

A msg sent by me from a song I love. I dont know why I ache when I hear it. A myriad of unspoken images come to mind..

Can i tell u a story about a happy girl. Lets call her rigidgirl. Rigidgirl was seemingly happy while growing up. Many things have happened in her life which her family finds weird n conflicting with their beliefs. Rigidgirl assures them, but not quite herself.

Is she a bad person? Is she just not born in the right family? Will she go to hell after shes dead? Is smthn wrong with her? It took time for her to to know wher the problem really lies. She becomes aware of something.
A realisation that she can never be free. That essentially, she will think, feel, act like shes guided by a set of, wat do u call it? Inborn instructions?? But, deep inside her to a place, no one will ever know, exists the real her. But, rigidgirl doesnt have the guts to be the real her. Other ppl r way too important to her. She is not her own person to rebel and face the consequences.

And somewher along the way, she met a boy. A crazy boy who made her laugh.( not that she was unhappy all the time or was in depression or anything). A boy who did the craziest thing and belived it was ok to do the craziest things. To the rigid girl, ( who was actly not rigid in her head) the boy was shocking. But secretly, he thrilled her. She had never met someone so comfortable with who he was.. So spontaneous, so wild, so boundary less.. so free-spirited. Hell, this was good for the rigidgirl. Witout both the boy and girl knowing it crazy boy opened up rigidgirls mind... expanded her horizon from plain orange to red and purple n crimson n scarlet n mauve n yellow n red n pink n god knows wat more colours she imagined a sunset wud have.. Crazyboy gave her his free spirit in strong doses. But, Conformity had creeped into her soul too strongly. She is more comfortable with wat appears to be her than the real her.

Its strange really. How did someone grow up this way? She has wondered wistfully. To not have the strength of mind to live like who she really is. But, she is often comforted by the fact, that the truly free never exist, that each one is bound down by his/her shortcomings. Maybe this is hers. Something which still bothers her from time to time.

Rigidgirl is pretty settled in now. And, has come to terms with herself, contrary to her inner struggle during her growin up years. She knows that, she will always feel more comfortable with only wat others percieve her to be.

Crazyboy cant help her be free. But crazyboy is the closest shes ever comes to being free. Everytime she wants to find hope in her crazy crazy dreams she calls on crazyboy and they take the ride together. As long as she always has crazyboy.. With him, she can always live her misbehaviour..